Thank You For Calling
by Slinky-and-the-BloodyWands
Summary: A series of one-shots, all starting with one Harmony Kendall calling The Midnight Hour.
1. Next Caller

Title: Next Caller

Summary: Harmony needs some advice, so she calls Kitty's radio show.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or _Kitty and the Midnight Hour_ by Carrie Vaughn. I am making no money off this fanwork.

A/N: For Angel, set post series; for Kitty Norville, set between _Kitty and the Midnight Hour_ and _Kitty Goes to Washington_. I don't often write a story that's entirely dialogue, but when I do it probably involves a radio show.

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><p>"We have Harmony from Los Angeles on the line. Hello, Harmony."<p>

"Hi, Kitty! I love your name, by the way. So adorbs. And I'm _so_ happy you took my call. I'm having a serious issue here."

"Uh, thanks, and you're welcome. What seems to be the issue?"

"I listen to your show, like, religiously, and you always give out such good advice, so I thought you might be able to help. See, I've just lost me job, and I'm a little worried about getting a new one. Oh, I guess I should tell you I'm a vampire, and as you might imagine, most night jobs involve doing things that are just,_ eww_."

"Well, Harmony, most of the vampires I know don't worry very much about the job market. They usually work under their master. Since you haven't mentioned one, though, am I to assume you don't associate with the local master?"

"Uh,_ duh_, no. I'm one of the independent undead, thank you."

"Let me guess. Bad break-up?"

"...I...well...yes...My first real 'master' was kind of a jerk to me. I mean, hello, he staked me, and even though we hooked up again recently, and he seemed to be a really different person, it turned out he was different to everyone _but _me. So, I'm totally over him. For real. And I'm over having a master. I was even my own master for a while."

"_You_. You were a master vampire?"

"Yeah. I had minions and everything. But that, uh, didn't work out..."

"Okay, so let's get back to the job hunt. You said you just lost your job?"

"I was the secretary to a very powerful vampire CEO, and oh-my-God, it was way harder than it sounds, but totally worth the dental insurance. But I moved up the ladder really quick, so, like, everyone was jealous of me. Which, I was always super popular in high school, so I'm used to that, but things were pretty intense around the water cooler. One of the other secretaries even tried to frame me for murder."

"Sounds extreme."

"It was. And I totally thought I'd was getting canned after I staked her, but apparently, it worked in my boss's favor, so it was cool. Still, afterwards, the break-room was totally hostile."

"And that's why you quit?"

"Oh, I...I didn't quit."

"You were fired."

"Technically...I mean, I guess you could say the business was kind of going under. And, well, also, I might have slept with my boss's enemy and told him some things..."

"You gave away company secrets?"

"Sure. We'll go with that."

"So, in summary, you betrayed a master vampire who wasn't_ your _master vampire. And now you're looking for a job? Harmony, are you sure you should have used your real name and location when you called?"

"Oh, Angel isn't coming after me! He was really okay with the whole thing. He even left me a nice letter of recommendation."

"You have a letter of recommendation from a CEO, a recent work history...It sounds like you already have what you need to find a new job. Maybe what you're looking for isn't a new job but a change?"

"Okay, you got me. It's not just any job I need help finding...What I really want is a job in entertainment. That's why I called you, you're a working-class werewolf, living the dream. If anyone knows how to get started, you do, obviously."

"Trust me, I didn't plan on being in radio, or having my own show. It just kind of happened."

"But it really took off after you came out, right? Because that's what people like about the show, it's about the supernatural?"

"Well, I like to think I'm helping people become more aware and addressing the problems of the supernatural community."

"I know, but like, the supernatural stuff really helps rating, right? So, like, say a vampire wanted to get her own show or magazine column or book deal or something - "

"Harmony, trust me, you might want to think twice before 'coming out'. It can be dangerous for a vampire, even one without a master."

"I get that, sure, but what if that hypothetical vampire, like, uh, got caught doing something, like biting a celebrity. I mean, that doesn't count as coming out, does it? I mean, she couldn't really get blamed for people taking pictures of that, could she?"

"..."

"Kitty? Am I still on the air?"

"Next caller, please."


	2. Tonight's Guest

**Title**: Tonight's Guest  
><strong>Summary:<strong> "Tonight, as our guest, we have the star of the controversial new MTV reality show, _Harmony Bites_, and self proclaimed vampire spokesperson. Harmony Kendall, thanks for being here."  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Kitty Norville.  
><strong>AN:** This 'show' is set post-Buffy, during the comic "Harmonic Divergence" (you don't have to read that first to read this) and after the first book for Kitty.

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><p>"Welcome back to <em>The Midnight Hour<em>. This is Kitty Norville, your host. Tonight, as our guest, we have self-proclaimed vampire spokesperson and the star of the controversial new MTV reality show, _Harmony Bites._ Harmony Kendall, thanks for being here."

"And thank you for having me, Kitty! I was so surprised when I was offered the guest spot, but I'm so happy I could make room in my schedule for your little show."

"Really? Because my producer says your agent has been harassing him since - "

"And, wow! Look at the two of us, campaigning for the rights of our kind. And how cool is it that you're a blond, too! I mean, granted, you could maybe use some low-lights and high-lights, and I know this is radio, so make-up really isn't 'required', but you don't have to let your inner wolf own your look, you know? Oh, but I guess I'm off subject, we're here to talk about my show, after all."

"Actually, we're here to talk about your role in the general public's current view of vampires and the supernatural."

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. You know, you're a big part of my own 'coming out'. I used to listen to your show, like, religiously, and when you admitted to being a wolf, you were, like, the wake-up call I needed."

"Yes, I remember you calling the show a few times. You're hard to forget."

"Aww, thanks, Kitty."

"Harmony, some of your critics in the supernatural world have complained that your show romanticizes your vampire lifestyle."

"Well, I mean, I do date a lot of guys who are into vampires, but I'm totally not easy. I mean, this girl has self respect."

"That's not what...Nevermind. Do you find it disturbing, the number of young people who watch your show and want to become like you? As in, 'undead'?"

"Well, I've always been a bit of a trendsetter, even when I was human, so I'm totally used to people trying to imitate my style, but I've been very, very responsible when it comes to informing the viewing audience of the major hardships associated with vampires. It's, like, really hard, you know? Living this unlife?"

"I do know, actually."

"Oh, Kitty, that was totally insensitive of me. Of course you know what it's like, and, duh, me, I should never have commented on your hair without considering how hard it is to maintain during your monthlies. It's like dying it probably isn't even worth it if you're just going to get dark roots when you sprout fur."

"I was actually referring to turning into a beast during the full moon and losing control of my body as being my primary 'hardship'."

"That too, I guess. Hey, you know what would be awesome? What if you were on _my_ show? I'm sure my fans would love to see my werewolf bestie."

"No. And we're not besties."

"But, wouldn't it be great for your audience to be able to see you, and I mean, we'd have so much fun, and, oh, wow, wouldn't it be great if we could get that hunter guy on too? He sounded hot."

"He sounded hot? When he was hired to kill me?"

"There was chemistry..."

"The answer is no."

"But - "

"Let's take some callers, shall we?"


End file.
